09/08/08
75 :
| I have been shopping for a diner mug. Well, I want a dozen diner mugs. I prefer white. White matches my dishes, but which white? There are 529 whites. I have been scouring the internet and have contacted restaurant supply stores. No dice.
Nobody online wants to sell at a reasonable price (read as "cheap") and or will not relent about getting the mugs personalized. I just want blank, plain, white, diner mugs. Restaurant supply outlets, of course, supply restaurants. They want to sell me cases and cases of mugs. I am not that thirsty.
I need to find a diner that's going out of business. Daughter says we should check the Dollar Store. I think that as soon as I give up and purchase a dozen mugs of a less desirable style our friends at Target will begin a multinational ad campaign with white diner mugs operating as the hinge pin.
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6/30/2008
75 :
Here comes Independence Day! I don't care how corny I am. I love America. The patriotic fervor and connection I feel on July 4th (mostly during fireworks accompanied by Sousa marches) comes up through me from the bottom of my feet. I could burst. My gratitude for my freedoms fills me up and spills out in tears of joy. I usually end up looking around at other firework spectators and willing them to embrace the corn as I do. Corn is very American. (It really can be very moving.)I think about Grandpa a lot. He got a big kick out of the 4th. And Sousa marches.
Just about when the piccolos start in, I close my eyes and take a deep breath. I want the music to slow down-for the universe to be in slow motion. It sounds delicious. Then, those cymbals crash and the horns play it like they mean it. Come on- you have to clap along. Turn it UP! That's the part when I have to stop myself from taking the stage and hollering, "HEY! We can make America better! Dysonists UNITE!"
I'm glad I've been able to stop myself so far. Wish me luck this year. I may develop alien hand syndrome in my legs and walk right up there. You never know.
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| 75 : 5/5/2008
Um... I have no comments. Do you have any comments?
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| 4/11/2008
75 :
I KNOW WHO SHOULD WEAR THESE.
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| 2/22/2008
75 :
Our house offer was accepted. The closing is scheduled for the end of April. We are very pleased. Our pleasure is heightened by the fact that the house is on the East side of Perfect Town and its number is 227. That's right. 227.
Like the Jefferson's, we are movin' on up to the East side. We have, however, surpassed them by moving into the address of their maid in her spin-off titled, you guessed it, 227.
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http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=b30CLSFaEz0
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| 2/4/2008
75:
Cross your fingers, toes, legs, lips, and ear lobes for me. Do whatever it takes to send us good luck. We offered on a house in Perfect Town, and are now waiting for a response from the sellers. It would be a private sale (no realtor) and they have never done this before (we have sold 2 houses by owner) so they are taking a while with their response. They are meeting with their lawyer and have asked to meet with us this week. I hope they will have good news for us.
If successful in our endeavor to purchase this property, we would gain a comfortable toilet. Need I say more? No. I need not.
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1/30/2008
75:
I am a posting loser. There. Admitting I have a problem is the first step in recovery. I don't know all of the steps, but, anyway. Here is the second step in recovery. I am posting. I will continue to post in a responsible manner. Unfortunately nothing has entertained me for a while and I don't feel like posting a complaint. I'll post about housing options next time. That's kinda nice.
I've been missing you girls a lot lately.
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11/19/2007
75 :
Today while in a class at Local University I heard my phone vibrating. Son and Daughter were home with Sitter, so I stepped out of class to be sure all was well. It was not a child welfare emergency, but was emergent in a spectacularly entertaining sort of way. They were enjoying Play-Doh. Sitter took a picture of Son's production, and sent it to me. I was so pleased. I have spoken to son and he has a valid explanation. He is also a good speller. I am so proud. Enjoy.
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11/16/07
75 :
We have officially entered the second half of November.
Let it begin.
FATDOGGERS UNITE !
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| November 7, 2007
75 :
6:00 AM wake up, shower, dress, etc.
6:30 AM take dog out to go (you know), feed dog
6:45 AM dress & groom son and daughter for school
8:15 AM deliver son and daughter to bus stop or school
8:30 AM pick up work mail and go to office
11:45 AM pick up daughter at school
12:00 PM prepare lunch and eat with daughter
12:30 PM clean up lunch and begin dinner prep
12:45 PM walk dog with daughter and talk about stuff/hang out/quality time
1:00 PM laundry, housework, homework, parenting, homemaking(not the church one-the one that I do when I make my home a home), run household errands so we have food etc., parenting, parenting,.....
2:00 PM WHAT!!!? IT'S 2 O'CLOCK?! I will never finish everything I have to do today.
3:00 PM same as above & go to class Mon. & Wed. and sometimes Fri.
3:45 PM pick up son from bus stop except M/W/and sometimes F.
4:30 PM go home on classdays, assist son with homework, parenting
5:00 PM prepare dinner, parenting, laundry, housework,
6:00 PM serve dinner, enjoy my people
6:45 PM clean up dinner, laundry, parenting
7:30 PM baths for son and daughter
7:50 PM set out next-day-schoolclothes for son and daughter
8:00 PM storytime with son and daughter
8:30 PM bedtime for son and daughter/lights out
8:35 PM homework, housework, realization that I cannot accomplish all I need to do today.
9:00 PM acute awareness of a hungry giant pit of nothingness trying to swallow me. Runnig out of gas.
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8/16/2007
75
| I am sporting a 4.0 GPA. Ha! Ha!, I say to all those who thought cheerleaders didn't have it in 'em. Pretty and smart. So, there.
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8/10/2007
75 :
Here's what happened. I was flossing my teeth a few nights ago, and noticed that I had a mustache.
This was quite strange since I haven't ever had a mustache before. It was blonde, thin, and must have been there for a long time. I waxed it immediately. What the HELL!!
Don't I have enough to do without begin concerned with facial hair removal? Yes. Yes, I do.
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8/01/07
75 :
TOO HOT. NOT ACCEPTABLE.
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7/18/2007
75:
Finally, a dream realized! Unfortunately one I had let go of by age 10. As a child I wanted to ride in an ambulance. -As a patient.- I'm quite sure this desire had a little something to do with a television program called EMERGENCY! . Good Ol' Johnny and Roy.
Last week I was very sick and was taken from my Dr.'s office to the hospital via ambulance. I was very surprised that as we drove out of the Dr.s office parking lot the lights and sirens began. This was SPECTACULAR!!! I was too sick at the time to fully appreciate it, but I did think back to those days of my plans to marry Johnny(Randolph Mantooth. YIKES. -dodged that bullet). The paramedic hooking me up to IV and O2 probably thought I was in quite a state when I had a slight smile. He didn't know I was the special guest star on my own episode of EMERGENCY!
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5/18/2007
75:
I was at a Walmart Supercenter recently with Son and Daughter. Where the toy department meets the hardware department we smelled a smell. It was a bad smell. We looked around us. There, on the floor, was a turd. It was from a human. It was about the size of a jumbo egg. Some of it had been smeared. I don't have any more to say about that.
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| 5/9/2007
75:
Trained by Matty Weaver himself.
Today Neighborchild8 was playing tetherball in my backyard. Neighborchild8 is my neighbor. She lives right next door. It could be that I have bathroom/privacy issues (who am I kidding-could be?) but even at the young age of eight I would have gone home from my next door neighbors' house for a "big job". I suppose I would have taken care of business at the neighbors' home if I had been in a hurry. I saw Neighborchild8 on her way to my bathroom. There was no hurry.
Anyway, let's just say, if I pooped at someone else's house. I would flush.
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4/30/07
75 :
I have spent most of my afternoon attempting to install a sliding screen door. This has not been a successful project. Do I just have bad luck? Are simple home maintenance tasks wrought with hassle for everybody? The screw holes that allow the height of the door to be adjusted to fit the given opening are stripped. I removed the screws one time as per the instructions. Let's have some quality workmanship in our screen door manufacturing people. What a bunch of lazy ass faces at the screen door factory. I'm pissed.
I will be happy to have Mr. 75's happy help. Although, someone else having instant success with this idiotic door might be the worst thing that could happen. Screen doors are stupid. Screw holes are stupid. AND Home Depot is the stupidest of all because it's 25 minutes away. If the stupid bugs would not try to come into my house there would not be any problems with stupid screen doors. Nobody can argue with that. The bugs don't want to be in my house. They come in anyway. That means they're stupid.
God save the Home Depot/screen door/stupid bugs from my seething housewife wrath.
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| 4/23/07
75 :
Most health insurance programs provide mental health benefits.
Some individuals who have been informed they need such benefits by well informed, and trusted sources do not seek them.
How crazy is that?
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4/13/07
75 :
| | Good ol' F.L. sent me a great book. It features "Regrettable Foods".
The item on the left is an actual food/salad that was in an actual, not-a-joke, cookbook. Look at it. Look at it again. Those are hot dogs. - Wrapped around a salad. - Hot dogs are not a serving dish. At least, I didn't know hot dogs are a serving dish. Sh!# !! Think of all the money I've wasted on serving dishes. It's so much more economical to just use the food as it's own serving dish. That soup in a bread bowl idea didn't just happen. Look at this! Let's mix foods that don't go together in the same bite as each other in creation of serving dishes. What if the people like the hot dogs more than the salad? What's gonna happen then? Where are the buns? Maybe the buns are being used as beverage dispensers. You know, soak your buns in the lemonade and just suck on them when the hot dog salad sodium gets to be too much. Yeah! Let's get these picnic ideas right into a cookbook. Hurry! Before somebody else figures this out.
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4/04/07
75 :
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My very good and wonderful friend, F.L., sent this CD to me. She made it.
I have no more words. There will be no talking until I compose my bad self.
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3/30/2007
75:
Perfect town is doin' all right. All last week I noticed townfolk sprucing up their homes and businesses. Scaffolding was erected and trim was repainted on Main Street. Yards are being cleared of last Fall's missed leaves. Lawns are being reseeded, daffodils are blooming and the tulips are not far behind. Our walks to the bus stop reveal more leaf buds every day. Old men are walking up and down Main Street in small groups pointing at and discussing the Spring improvements. Kids are heading straight to the soda fountain after school. It was closed over the winter and re-opened the first day of Spring. People stop midstride and point their faces toward the sun, breathe deeply and smile with satisfaction. Childrens' laughter and the clanging of swing set chains can be heard blocks from the city park. (Hmmm. Clanging swing chains. Not your favorite, 78, but a boon to us.) The hitching post at the local grocery has been occupied by horse and buggy almost every time I've shopped for the last few weeks, and even the horses seem pleased to be out and about more. Daughter and I had to wait a little while for a clerk to come in and help us at the self-check isle as all the ladies were outside doing the face up-close eyes-breathe deep routine. We didn't mind a bit. I don't think these Perfectowners have any idea that the rest of the country doesn't have access to the space-time-continuum. We better get on the stick with our own yard work. They might have some kind of committee.
Also, on the bus walk this week we found the best kind of cool, ALSOME, snake on the road. A dead one.
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3/21/07
75:
I have accidentally discovered a great way to curb junk-eating after dinner. I brush and floss immediately after washing the dishes. I do not want to perform this procedure a second time in one evening. Consequently, the only food or beverage I will enjoy is water.
Now all I need to do is accidentally discover a way to exercise effectively without actually moving. Then life will be perfect.
3/14/07
75:
It's almost Spring. Time to clean. 
3/5/07
75:
FROM THE HEIGHTS OF MY SOAPBOX
I'm irritated. My generation is contributing to the creation and maintenance of a culture of NO-GOODS. Here's the thing. Son is in cub scouts. He and Mr. 75 have been working on Son's pinewood derby car. It is an awesome car. Son designed it. Son is six years old. This vehicle therefore, is not the most aerodynamic thing to ever be on wheels. Mr. 75 has helped Son create this car. He took care of the work that involved power tools. Mr. 75 helped with the painting. Son designed and supervised the painting. It is , after all, his car.
Mr. 75 has seen what other scouts(dads) are producing. These cars look like nascar models. The other boys pick the color. The other dads are leaving the boys out. They are designing, building and painting their sons cars. Their sons are "watching and learning" through the process. High gloss finishes are being applied over smooth paint jobs over power sanded nailheads. Mr. 75 helped Son hand sand a lot of his car as Son is six years old and not safe with a power sander. We think that since the competition is supposed to be between the boys the boys should provide most of the design/labor involved in car production. Apparently we are alone in this approach.
I think that Son's car will not win the pinewood derby. Don't get me wrong. There are circumstances in which Son's car would do quite well. These would be circumstances such as......hmmmmm let me see. I know! A competition in which he and his peers design and provide labor in production of a pinewood derby car. Unfortunately there aren't actually any of those competitions. There is, however, a competition between his peers that consists of his peers' fathers ability to execute the design and production of a pinewood derby car. This means that Son will be competing with adults. That's not okay. It will be nice though, when Son is an adult himself and will be able to make life happen through him instead of to him. How are these boys supposed to learn anything about healthy competition? These other parents are so concerned about their feelings about their son's feelings being hurt by loss in competition that their sons aren't actually competing. Great! They can feel like big winners when they haven't done a damn thing. Mr. 75 and I can implement some kind of strategy to counteract the effects of losing when you do the work it takes to be a winner.
I'd like the other dads to know that THIS COMPETITION IS NOT ABOUT THEM. IT IS ABOUT THE BOYS. The other dads should put it back in their pants. Penis size is not relevent. It's a PINEwood derby.
Let the kids compete you sapsucking assface dogs.
2/23/07
75:
I had my annual gynie exam this week. Phew. I can be stirrup-free for another year. I have a new gynie doctor here in perfect town. I like her. My appointment was at 9:50 and Dr. Gynie was removing the speculum by 10:00. There was no rush, just streamlined efficiency. I appreciate this when my feet are in the stirrups and a non-spouse is involved. Not that Mr. 75 and I have any stirrups at home, but you know what I mean. Usually in-out-done doesn't produce the desired outcome in affairs of the hmm-hmm, but in this case...
2/14/07
75:
I had my hair done on Monday night. I go to a tiny place in my town. My appointment was in the evening, immediately after Daughter's preschool open house. Mr. 75, Son, Daughter and I enjoyed ourselves at the preschool shindig, then I went on my own to the salon. Mr. 75 took the people home and took care of the bed-time routine. (That last sentence shouldn't be noteworthy, but we do live on planet Earth and men are large children. They like to think they deserve extra credit for things like that.)
Anyway, I haven't been in a room full of women who are not sisters for a long time. It was pretty entertaining. The women ranged in age from mid twenties to mid sixties. The topics of conversation, that included all the ladies present ranged from politics to menopause. Then two men came into the salon. All group conversation abruptly ended. Group conversation ceased, but conversation between stylist and individual client began. There was a lot of discussion about the weather. Voices were politely hushed. The men had their haircuts and left. As soon as the door closed behind them things returned to normal. No more quiet demure voices. We discussed the good, bad and ugly of men, the way women actually run everything and bladder leakage. All was well with the world. God bless the hair salon.
2/7/07
75
Do you think much about food? I do. I think about it a lot. I don't think that stems from my carreer interests in food. I think the opposite it true. When I am not eating, a large share of my brain and energy are devoted to thinking about what I will be eating soon. When I am eating I am thinking about what and when I will be eating next. I don't have much interest in things/activities that can not easily involve food consumption. I am a good American.
Today I ate some very good food. When I go to bed I will be thinking about it. That will be nice. First, though, I should have a snack.
2/2/07
75:
Do you remember sledding down the hill near the old town? When the older of us were younger, winter had snow. The snow lasted for a long time. It would melt, then it would snow again. I am not imagining this. When I was in fourth grade a large percentage of elementary school children had athletes foot. I believe this was a direct result of continuous moon boot wear. We had to wear our moon boots to school every day. That's how much snow there was. When we arrived at school we would change into our school shoes, (woe unto they who forget their school shoes and were moon booted all day) hang our coats, hats, scarves and mittens on tiny metal hooks in our tall skinny lockers and place our damp giant pink and silver (mine were pink and silver anyway) moon boots in front of our lockers. They were too big and moon booty to fit in the bottom of the lockers without being stacked on top of each other which would have caused melting snow to drip into the lower moon boot. We would also go tubing. We would eat spaghettios and drink hot chocolate after the best tubing and sledding EVER! It was life threatening. We never knew who would meet a coyote in the gully at the bottom of the hill. Even worse, someone would be the victim of a bump that threw them from their tube and landed them in a cow pie. That happened to 78 more than once.
Now it is winter. Where is the snow? We need snow. I bought two sleds last night. I bought spaghettios. I have a cocomotion. I live on a hill. My city park is full of hills. I'll pass on the athlete's foot. Thank goodness boots have come a long way.
1/25/07
75:
Children should be taken out of their homes only when clean. Is it really so difficult to accomplish this? I know we all have "that morning", when everybody slept late and nobody can shake off their grump, but come-on. Is it an impossible undertaking to make sure your child's face is clean, his/her teeth are brushed, hair is clean and presentable, clothing is clean? No. It is not. I'm not saying kids are not permitted in the world a little messy. We all get a little disheveled, but let's start the outing with everybody's hygiene under control. Don't make the children suffer. Don't make the children's friends and teachers suffer. Don't send your child to my daughter's preschool with eye-boogies and moist stringy mucus on the outside of their face. If your child slept so late that you were in such a hurry that you couldn't wash your child's face it means that your child needs more sleep. Keep your child at home and put them to bed earlier. If your child should sneeze causing mucus to explode out of their poor little nose WIPE IT FOR THEM! A shoulder shrug and exasperated, "Oh...cold season.", and a walk off is not acceptable. Not at all. That's not comfy...for anyone in the area. I'm sure your child's teacher will be happy to wipe your child's nose during the school day, but if you're there, standing right there, WIPE IT! If you don't, you're just rude and should be sent away.
01/19/07
75 :
My neighbor, Mr. Invite, was not at the bus stop on Tuesday afternoon to meet his daughter, Neighborchild8. She announced that she would come home with us. There was no care- provider for her and she is 8, so I told her to have after-school snack at my house. I left a message on her parents' voicemail. I saw Mr. Invite pull into his driveway. Thirty minutes later he called and asked me to send Neighborchild8 home. Hmmmmm. No thank you. No apology.
Today Mr. Invite was not at the bus stop to collect his daughter. I had an errand. Neighborchild8 had no caregiver. I will run my errand in the morning. I brought her to my house and gave her a snack with my children. Mr. Invite arrived fifteen minutes later. He said, "Thanks." I said, "Yeah. There will be payback." He doesn't understand this. What it means is, it was inappropriate for you to rely on me for childcare when no childcare arrangement has been made between us. Stop this behavior.
If it happens again I will wait with Neighborchild8 at the bus stop until her parent arrives. What the hell?!
Something else... Today in the car Daughter (4 years) and I listened to the soundtrack from A Mighty Wind. Tonight at dinner during a lull in conversation Daughter said, "You'd make a dead man cum." Mr. 75 was very surprised.
01/09/07
75 :
My neighbor's behavior indicates he has a crush on me. It could be something else. It could be that he doesn't understand SOCIAL BOUNDARIES. There is evidence of a boundary problem in his childrens' behavior. A couple of days ago their son (5yrs) FLUNG the door open and walked into my house. I was in the kitchen and after composing myself after my "panic inhale" said to him, "Neighborchild! You scared the crap out of me! You must knock and wait for someone to answer the door and invite you into our house." Neighborchild nonchalantly said, "No. I just come right in." I said, "I know you did. I'm telling you that you must knock and wait at my house. You don't live here." I have explained this to Neighborchild5 at least 4 other times. Five minutes later his sister, Neighborchild8, FLUNG my door open and I crapped my pants again. This is a boundary problem. Nonrecognition of social boundaries creates discomfort in situations such as, hmmmm let's see, my married-to-his-own wife neighbor has a crush/anti-function on me. Also, he knows I am married to Mr. 75. He has invited his children to my house. Go back one sentence and read that again. That's right -his children - my house. Not O.K. Then he hangs out where I am. You know, making dinner, etc. He only does this when Mr. 75 is not home. I now put the kibosh on invitations made by himself to his children to my house. This kibosh is especially appropriate since his wife told 78, 85 and myself about the extreme marital distress/collapse she is experiencing. Mr. Invite also gave me flowers, and called me from another neighbor's Holiday open house to ask me why I wasn't at the party. WHAT??!!! Functional people recognize social boundaries. Anti-functional people do not.
01/02/07
75:
The Holidays are over, time to relax. Kids are back in school. My clean house now stays such because no one is around to muck it up. Now that the major Holiday vacation is over, Mr. 75 and I can spend some time together. I always thought that the lyrics in the song "It's Beginning to Look a Lot Like Christmas" reflected poor parenting. It is true though, "Mom and Dad can hardly wait for school to start again!"
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